Of Selfishness
For a time the equation selflessness = happiness was to me a certitude. But in its self-discovery journey, Life - as incarnated in me - has found out the invalidity of this though simple arithmetic exercise.
Thinking this me was a burden - as indeed it can feel so at times - and bringing attention upon the world, the burden was replaced by the immeasurable pleasure of contemplating the Universe. And when later on Nature did her work, causing concern about me to arise, the same equation which had seemed valid from my prior experience not only revealed itself powerless in re-establishing the state of contemplation but also deleterious in its application.
This apparent failure was extremely afflictive and to its cause i soon attributed a lack of exertion from my part. This conclusion lead yet to more affliction as i presented myself as a slave to Existence, struggling to absolve his inherent crime of being, by taking the role of martyr. This tendency still exists, but i found relevant to ask myself why i would undertake certain actions. The response revealed precisely the essence of what i was trying to eradicate: selfishness.
Every action arises from desire and desire is selfish. The confusion was the assimilation of selfishness with wrong and selflessness with good. And in this confusion indeed i suffered but learned that no one ever undertakes an action without selfish motives. That observation goes with the disjuncture from any value - lest i causes a very dark vision of the World.
When no matter what kind of action one undertakes, if then selfishness is unavoidable, then there is no cause for concern about me. In this created space, the me is simply allowed to be. And maybe we can rediscover the above equation under a new light.
There is only what there is, the me is what it is, the Universe is what it is, and as it seems, it is made of me, of i-am-ness. What had then overwhelmed me with an immense pleasure was perhaps not the discovery of the Universe as something which is not me, but rather the rediscovery of a me, which is the Universe, simply being.
Thinking this me was a burden - as indeed it can feel so at times - and bringing attention upon the world, the burden was replaced by the immeasurable pleasure of contemplating the Universe. And when later on Nature did her work, causing concern about me to arise, the same equation which had seemed valid from my prior experience not only revealed itself powerless in re-establishing the state of contemplation but also deleterious in its application.
This apparent failure was extremely afflictive and to its cause i soon attributed a lack of exertion from my part. This conclusion lead yet to more affliction as i presented myself as a slave to Existence, struggling to absolve his inherent crime of being, by taking the role of martyr. This tendency still exists, but i found relevant to ask myself why i would undertake certain actions. The response revealed precisely the essence of what i was trying to eradicate: selfishness.
Every action arises from desire and desire is selfish. The confusion was the assimilation of selfishness with wrong and selflessness with good. And in this confusion indeed i suffered but learned that no one ever undertakes an action without selfish motives. That observation goes with the disjuncture from any value - lest i causes a very dark vision of the World.
When no matter what kind of action one undertakes, if then selfishness is unavoidable, then there is no cause for concern about me. In this created space, the me is simply allowed to be. And maybe we can rediscover the above equation under a new light.
There is only what there is, the me is what it is, the Universe is what it is, and as it seems, it is made of me, of i-am-ness. What had then overwhelmed me with an immense pleasure was perhaps not the discovery of the Universe as something which is not me, but rather the rediscovery of a me, which is the Universe, simply being.
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