Doubts

Let's be honest to one another: nothing is perfect. And although one day you may awaken and take a break from the 'story of your life', realise that Everything is much bigger than you, that you are a fully integrated part of this galactic dance, a mere reflection of Light through the prysm of consciousness, you still can fall back into the story.

Or so it seems: the statement of 'having fallen back into the story' is born from the the situation where one believes to be what the story tells. And thus the very experiences of awakening and realisation are re-interpreted from this point of view. And finding 'the way out' with the maps from that story are not going to help more than trying to escape a dream by finding a door within that dream.

But why has there been a falling back (or whatever change which has born the necessary conditions for this statement to arise)? I have found no answer so far to this question, for this 'falling back' (perhaps for the sake of clarity i should stop calling it this way) is tossing me back on the shore of personal identification:
Each time as i perform an action (writing, reading, working, studying) there is no detached observation of that action and its putated doer. Yet the above awakening (or the several waves which have constituted a general process) has engraved its truth too deep and too clearly for it to be ignored. I am not Benjamin only, for that is merely the surface of the water which appears more clearly to us than the depth of the water itself, but without the depth, there is no surface, the surface is nothing by itself. So during action there is a forgetfulness of the All (the integrality of Being) and in between actions, sometimes the fire of senses becomes the object so to speak and the obviousness of Beingness-Consciousness-Phenomena smites 'me' and makes its statement very clear: I the All only Am.

What is there to be done? One will say nothing can be done by 'me' and it would make sense, if there is no 'me' which is not the All then there is no real 'me' which can do anything at all about it. On the other hand the 'me' is not completely invalid either, after all, the manifestation which is witnessed and lived as 'Benjamin' is the only place where this will happen.

Now the issue seems to be the integration between the 'me' and action. If there had been no awakening, i would still fully believe in my actions and run after them incessantly, helplessly. If the 'me' is a mere idea then what actions matter to this 'non-me' and what should then be done and not done? Sometimes a deep longing to perform this or that action is there, and it's fine, longing can appear just like clouds appear in the sky, eventually they move on. But suppose i respond to this longing, say for example do my homework, then soon, while performing that action, i shall forget completely about all metaphysical matters and believe fully that 'i am doing my homework' with all the absurd tumult which will entail that statement. So what is the alternative? Do nothing because really nothing matters? Nah, if it were so, birds would not fly and fish would not swim.

Where is realisation in action? How can there be any detachment while my mind completely is focused on action? The answer cannot be some action again or it would perpetrate the absurdity of the issue. The very core of the issue is the idea of 'me' as a personified entity, which is a mere assumption...

And there is an echo in my memory of this day when a friend frustrated himself asking me what the purpose of his life was and i told him i could not answer this because there is not anyone to own life, that the 'me' merely is an idea without substance. That the question itself is irrelevant when that is seen.

Discussion

It seems helpless to feel irritation when people who ask you about your views simply brush them off if those do not fit their definitions.
What if i say Life is not just living organisms? What if i say Death is nothing more than the end of objects but not the end of Life in itself?
"Noooo Benjamin, come on, be serious: if you simply change the definitions of things, there can be no discussions..."

Err... well, if we would simply stick to definitions then why are we discussing in the first place? And why would Mr X who wrote definitions in a dictionary have the monopoly on Truth? And why should i believe in Death? Death is nothing more than the depth of Life, the deep silent abyss whence things arise, of which they are made.
"The world is just water within water..."
But when this irritation arises, i turn to the most obvious Obviousness: Reality. What is the point of dividing and categorising the All if the ultimate answers (in the mind) to all things (in the mind) is in the keeping of it as a whole (in the mind)?

They play around with words, sharp as rasors, wound themselves and look for answers in words again. What are those words to 'me'? Not the conscious-self, which is knowing, but the self as being. The obvious Obviousness tells me this: "Love Being Benjamin".

What we saw...

Whilst men is digressing when conscious of oneself, the origin and bourn of all is overlooked. Self-consciousness is a mere child of awareness and those who ignore their quality of witness see not the very worth of Existence.