Where do problems reside but in thought?
What thought needs to be solved?
A thought--according to thought--is a thing.
A thing is finite--according to the logic of thought.
What is finite is finished--literally my friend.
What is finished needs not to be completed.
There was never any problem in the first place.
You need not solve them.
Just let thought be thought.
And return to your own business:
Being.
The free, once captured, is not the free any more. It is vain to capture anything at all, for gold will turn to sand in your hands. It is vain to understand the secret which lies before your eyes
The free, </br> once captured, </br> is not the free </br> any more. </br> </br> It is vain to capture </br> anything at all, </br> for gold will turn to sand </br> in your hands. </br> </br> It is vain to understand </br> the secret </br> which lies before your </br> eyes
Doubts (followed)
I am sure of my doubts not to be doubts but thoughts but not thoughts but perception but not perception but awareness, but not awareness but a doubtful certainty that there is just this.
Am
Reality is similar to Light.
It is not so much the object that is real, than the light which falls upon it. It is through seeing that an object is real. It is the seeing which made you so sure of the objects of your dreams. What makes you so sure of objects right now? Reality is the light of perception, objects are its forms only. You are Reality yourself, because the essence of the word I is perception, not the object of perception which continuously changes. I am not what i was, i am not what i thought i was, i am not what i think i am either, i am not the idea of what i am. I am this raw perception. I am the belief in thought and the disbelief. I am light. I am the giver of forms. I am what i am. I am that. I am. Am...
It is not so much the object that is real, than the light which falls upon it. It is through seeing that an object is real. It is the seeing which made you so sure of the objects of your dreams. What makes you so sure of objects right now? Reality is the light of perception, objects are its forms only. You are Reality yourself, because the essence of the word I is perception, not the object of perception which continuously changes. I am not what i was, i am not what i thought i was, i am not what i think i am either, i am not the idea of what i am. I am this raw perception. I am the belief in thought and the disbelief. I am light. I am the giver of forms. I am what i am. I am that. I am. Am...
Doubts
Am i the body?
Sometimes it seems so obvious that i am that. But i cannot really find the I without reference to the body or to past memories, or desires. I can make out memories and desires are illusions, products of the mind.
But what about the body?
Sometimes i call the body 'me', sometimes i call it 'mine', when i feel pain somewhere, i say "there is pain in my body". How can i make out which sensation is my body's and which one is not? Is the body a set of sensations i prefer against another set of sensations which i want to exclude? Why would i want to exclude these? There is little consistence in what the standards of the mind present. But i am confused about what it is too.
Perhaps to know what is the body i should know what is the non-body? What is the non-body and am i that or not? That which can be felt effortlessly, without touch of hands or skin, is what i call the non-body. But again it is not consistent with the theory: what i cannot feel ever and which is part of the body, eg. the brain, bones etc. And what is that which i can feel at times and cannot feel at other times? Sometimes if feel the heart-beat, sometimes i don't. What is the heart the body and non-body at other times? This is not sensible.
The word body is very much doubtful, and yet there is a strong sense of it as opposed to that which is not the body.
I keep doubting.
Sometimes it seems so obvious that i am that. But i cannot really find the I without reference to the body or to past memories, or desires. I can make out memories and desires are illusions, products of the mind.
But what about the body?
Sometimes i call the body 'me', sometimes i call it 'mine', when i feel pain somewhere, i say "there is pain in my body". How can i make out which sensation is my body's and which one is not? Is the body a set of sensations i prefer against another set of sensations which i want to exclude? Why would i want to exclude these? There is little consistence in what the standards of the mind present. But i am confused about what it is too.
Perhaps to know what is the body i should know what is the non-body? What is the non-body and am i that or not? That which can be felt effortlessly, without touch of hands or skin, is what i call the non-body. But again it is not consistent with the theory: what i cannot feel ever and which is part of the body, eg. the brain, bones etc. And what is that which i can feel at times and cannot feel at other times? Sometimes if feel the heart-beat, sometimes i don't. What is the heart the body and non-body at other times? This is not sensible.
The word body is very much doubtful, and yet there is a strong sense of it as opposed to that which is not the body.
I keep doubting.
Open
I am really not honest with myself. I am simply longing to find again complete harmony with being, but i do so by pretending to be that already. In truth i am simply fooling myself and the world around. I know nothing of how the world is made, i do not know what i am. The Universe once showed its grace and dissolved Benjamin for a moment and crystallised it again with the memory of this wonderful insight. Now i live with the deep longing to recover this and feel frustration only.
Something tells me i should start all over from scratch, on the other hand i cannot give up this memory of realisation because i am scared to lose it for good. I cannot live as the separate Benjamin again, i refuse simply to live a life of illusion. And yet i cannot seem to see through what i am either.
I am scared of feelings, i am not open to the Truth. I am scared of what that Truth would reveal about my so-called life which has built up since mid 2006 when harmony came to an end.
All i want is to be able to "simply be" again, without worrying about becoming, without the anxiety of what i am, without believing in need and desire, without limits. To live loving Life without reason or motive, wake up and feel the joy of being this. But is it again possible? I sometimes doubt. I feel unable to bring myself down to it again, it's heavy on me and i feel sad.
In the meantime i do not know where to start, what to do. I do not know why i keep on studying, i do not know what i would do if i stopped studying. My only call is to know the Universe with my heart, but i am not even able to know myself even.
For a moment i even thought writing this down would help, but it doesn't. I am still looking around "for a sign". Whilst i know, oh how much do i know, that it's all about accepting this as it is.
Meditation
Non-pragmatic thoughts are attemps at rationalising emotions and most of these thoughts are sources of emotions too. This soon can roll up into a vicious circle.
Often too in what people call 'spiritual search' there is an attempt at understanding by means of thought, the Source of All, or the essence of Being. But understanding again is an attempt at rationalising, controlling emotions.
1. Thought will generate more emotions, it will not help.
2. Emotions will no kill you or injure you, unless you enter an extreme form of vicious circle as mentioned above, there is no help needed.
Knowing emotions, sensations, feelings is a way of knowing the limits of these, and that which can see the beginning and the end of emotion and still remains, is not affected by it. That is what some call 'the witness', or 'self' or even 'consciousness'. But let's not worry about the term because:
1. that would be a thought creating more emotions to deal with,
2. that thing IS what the very essence of what you ARE and therefore it needs no definitions, for a definition would need the witnessing of that witness and therefore it would be dependent and irrelevant to that.
Sensations are - as the word itself reveals - what senses do. We all know sight, smell, touch, hearing and taste, but we all know thought too. Usually when we see or hear something, thought (or rather its content) tries to label it, rationalise it. When thoughts appear too, it is thought again which tries to rationalise it (eg. 'dog' is a mammal of the canidae, with 4 legs, a tail, hair and lice, which befriends humans easily). In fact how do you 'know' there are thoughts? It is thanks to the 'witness'.
So leave the thought of what was, of what will be, of what could be, of definition and just be, or in other words, just sense. Sensation is all you know really, thought is just another sensation, perhaps more deceptive, but just a sensation. Sensation is how you know aliveness, reality, being. Without that, Being does not know itself.
If you sense a feeling which you can translate as "but wait i can't just leave it like this and let it all happen on me", or "but i must undersand this to be able to deal with it properly", or "but i cannot leave my thoughts, there is a lot to be done around here, what will happen if i don't do them?". Then know this as a sensation and sense it. It has come, it will go. You remain.
You do not need to stop doing things you do, you can still stand, sit, eat, sleep, work etc. Just sense, just be, know your being before engaging in intellectual epics. There is just this, the rest is thought, which is just this. Return to this, because this is what you really are, what really matters to you: sensing. This is what you can call meditation. But let's not get into definitions and thoughts because:
1. ...
Often too in what people call 'spiritual search' there is an attempt at understanding by means of thought, the Source of All, or the essence of Being. But understanding again is an attempt at rationalising, controlling emotions.
1. Thought will generate more emotions, it will not help.
2. Emotions will no kill you or injure you, unless you enter an extreme form of vicious circle as mentioned above, there is no help needed.
Knowing emotions, sensations, feelings is a way of knowing the limits of these, and that which can see the beginning and the end of emotion and still remains, is not affected by it. That is what some call 'the witness', or 'self' or even 'consciousness'. But let's not worry about the term because:
1. that would be a thought creating more emotions to deal with,
2. that thing IS what the very essence of what you ARE and therefore it needs no definitions, for a definition would need the witnessing of that witness and therefore it would be dependent and irrelevant to that.
Sensations are - as the word itself reveals - what senses do. We all know sight, smell, touch, hearing and taste, but we all know thought too. Usually when we see or hear something, thought (or rather its content) tries to label it, rationalise it. When thoughts appear too, it is thought again which tries to rationalise it (eg. 'dog' is a mammal of the canidae, with 4 legs, a tail, hair and lice, which befriends humans easily). In fact how do you 'know' there are thoughts? It is thanks to the 'witness'.
So leave the thought of what was, of what will be, of what could be, of definition and just be, or in other words, just sense. Sensation is all you know really, thought is just another sensation, perhaps more deceptive, but just a sensation. Sensation is how you know aliveness, reality, being. Without that, Being does not know itself.
If you sense a feeling which you can translate as "but wait i can't just leave it like this and let it all happen on me", or "but i must undersand this to be able to deal with it properly", or "but i cannot leave my thoughts, there is a lot to be done around here, what will happen if i don't do them?". Then know this as a sensation and sense it. It has come, it will go. You remain.
You do not need to stop doing things you do, you can still stand, sit, eat, sleep, work etc. Just sense, just be, know your being before engaging in intellectual epics. There is just this, the rest is thought, which is just this. Return to this, because this is what you really are, what really matters to you: sensing. This is what you can call meditation. But let's not get into definitions and thoughts because:
1. ...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)