Let's be honest to one another: nothing is perfect. And although one day you may awaken and take a break from the 'story of your life', realise that Everything is much bigger than you, that you are a fully integrated part of this galactic dance, a mere reflection of Light through the prysm of consciousness, you still can fall back into the story.
Or so it seems: the statement of 'having fallen back into the story' is born from the the situation where one believes to be what the story tells. And thus the very experiences of awakening and realisation are re-interpreted from this point of view. And finding 'the way out' with the maps from that story are not going to help more than trying to escape a dream by finding a door within that dream.
But why has there been a falling back (or whatever change which has born the necessary conditions for this statement to arise)? I have found no answer so far to this question, for this 'falling back' (perhaps for the sake of clarity i should stop calling it this way) is tossing me back on the shore of personal identification:
Each time as i perform an action (writing, reading, working, studying) there is no detached observation of that action and its putated doer. Yet the above awakening (or the several waves which have constituted a general process) has engraved its truth too deep and too clearly for it to be ignored. I am not Benjamin only, for that is merely the surface of the water which appears more clearly to us than the depth of the water itself, but without the depth, there is no surface, the surface is nothing by itself. So during action there is a forgetfulness of the All (the integrality of Being) and in between actions, sometimes the fire of senses becomes the object so to speak and the obviousness of Beingness-Consciousness-Phenomena smites 'me' and makes its statement very clear: I the All only Am.
What is there to be done? One will say nothing can be done by 'me' and it would make sense, if there is no 'me' which is not the All then there is no real 'me' which can do anything at all about it. On the other hand the 'me' is not completely invalid either, after all, the manifestation which is witnessed and lived as 'Benjamin' is the only place where this will happen.
Now the issue seems to be the integration between the 'me' and action. If there had been no awakening, i would still fully believe in my actions and run after them incessantly, helplessly. If the 'me' is a mere idea then what actions matter to this 'non-me' and what should then be done and not done? Sometimes a deep longing to perform this or that action is there, and it's fine, longing can appear just like clouds appear in the sky, eventually they move on. But suppose i respond to this longing, say for example do my homework, then soon, while performing that action, i shall forget completely about all metaphysical matters and believe fully that 'i am doing my homework' with all the absurd tumult which will entail that statement. So what is the alternative? Do nothing because really nothing matters? Nah, if it were so, birds would not fly and fish would not swim.
Where is realisation in action? How can there be any detachment while my mind completely is focused on action? The answer cannot be some action again or it would perpetrate the absurdity of the issue. The very core of the issue is the idea of 'me' as a personified entity, which is a mere assumption...
And there is an echo in my memory of this day when a friend frustrated himself asking me what the purpose of his life was and i told him i could not answer this because there is not anyone to own life, that the 'me' merely is an idea without substance. That the question itself is irrelevant when that is seen.
Or so it seems: the statement of 'having fallen back into the story' is born from the the situation where one believes to be what the story tells. And thus the very experiences of awakening and realisation are re-interpreted from this point of view. And finding 'the way out' with the maps from that story are not going to help more than trying to escape a dream by finding a door within that dream.
But why has there been a falling back (or whatever change which has born the necessary conditions for this statement to arise)? I have found no answer so far to this question, for this 'falling back' (perhaps for the sake of clarity i should stop calling it this way) is tossing me back on the shore of personal identification:
Each time as i perform an action (writing, reading, working, studying) there is no detached observation of that action and its putated doer. Yet the above awakening (or the several waves which have constituted a general process) has engraved its truth too deep and too clearly for it to be ignored. I am not Benjamin only, for that is merely the surface of the water which appears more clearly to us than the depth of the water itself, but without the depth, there is no surface, the surface is nothing by itself. So during action there is a forgetfulness of the All (the integrality of Being) and in between actions, sometimes the fire of senses becomes the object so to speak and the obviousness of Beingness-Consciousness-Phenomena smites 'me' and makes its statement very clear: I the All only Am.
What is there to be done? One will say nothing can be done by 'me' and it would make sense, if there is no 'me' which is not the All then there is no real 'me' which can do anything at all about it. On the other hand the 'me' is not completely invalid either, after all, the manifestation which is witnessed and lived as 'Benjamin' is the only place where this will happen.
Now the issue seems to be the integration between the 'me' and action. If there had been no awakening, i would still fully believe in my actions and run after them incessantly, helplessly. If the 'me' is a mere idea then what actions matter to this 'non-me' and what should then be done and not done? Sometimes a deep longing to perform this or that action is there, and it's fine, longing can appear just like clouds appear in the sky, eventually they move on. But suppose i respond to this longing, say for example do my homework, then soon, while performing that action, i shall forget completely about all metaphysical matters and believe fully that 'i am doing my homework' with all the absurd tumult which will entail that statement. So what is the alternative? Do nothing because really nothing matters? Nah, if it were so, birds would not fly and fish would not swim.
Where is realisation in action? How can there be any detachment while my mind completely is focused on action? The answer cannot be some action again or it would perpetrate the absurdity of the issue. The very core of the issue is the idea of 'me' as a personified entity, which is a mere assumption...
And there is an echo in my memory of this day when a friend frustrated himself asking me what the purpose of his life was and i told him i could not answer this because there is not anyone to own life, that the 'me' merely is an idea without substance. That the question itself is irrelevant when that is seen.
4 comments:
The me is here because the Source has allowed it to be. We will return to that Source- and part of that 'returning' entails remembering that we are more than that little 'me.'
We are here to realise this, to know who/what we truly are. But we are also here to experience... to feel that Truth experientially... and hat entails a lapsing back into separation from time to time.
We have been given this crazy and wonderful opportunity to experience a whole range of things... and we can choose- through our individual choices- the expression of the Source we want to know.
There is Big Truth and day-to-day truth... but both are truths, on one level or another :-)
Thanks for your reaction Nathan, i had to let it sink for a while.
Indeed it seems the remembering of hat we truly are, or perhaps the letting go of what we think we are, seems a little Death to me.
It is quite amazing, sometimes scary, to realise that not only all you do is simply the fruit of the entire cosmic dance, the expression of Being, and at the same time it is utterly pointless.
I go on with my works, but what does the Universe need my works for? The Source has everything already, it IS everything and even more. And then i see these works are pointless to me as well, because i am facing Death, which is the return of or remembrance of the Source.
So why all this? Because it has to be gone through to become phenomenon and then knowledge and then (re-)cognition. But how a convoluted course to come to the Origin.
Still i am quite amazed: look at a table, a car, humans. Why this way, not another? How many ways are there, how many ways have been? How many ways will there be?
What is the meaning of Life when it is lived in remembrance of this? What is the meaning of relationship? Love? Pain?
It's all the more alive then isn't it?
Hi Ben,
I appreciate what your'e saying both in your blog post and your answer to Nathan. Without even going deeply into what you've written, it stands out as a mind in frustration, lots of questions, and it is the mind which asks lots of questions.
I feel that you have made a dichotomy between being and doing, especially where you ask how can you remain aware of Self (or being or however you want to refer to it) whilst engaged in action (like doing your homework). How can you 'remember' when you are 'lost' in activity? Its an important point, and my mind too has been frustrated by this question of how they can integrate harmoniously.
But again, the problem is actually only mind-made, and it seems problematic to mind which (as I think you said to me) can only think in black or white, this or that.
I would ask you who is it that is doing your homework? And when you are deeply engaged in it, contemplating, thinking etc, who does that?
No-one is doing anything Ben, there's no-one and nothing to fight with. If you 'forget' its not you that's forgetting, 'you' cannot do anything as 'Ben' is just a thought itself.
Feel just below the surface of this madman we call the mind, feel into sensation, feel into emotions and thoughts, see the mind for the addict that it really is. It loves asking difficult questions because it wants to keep its job as problem-solver. It cannot solve he problem of yourself, even though it will ask clever and complex conundrums.
But just below the surface of these waves, ahhh, the beauty of the ocean. And then, even the waves loose their hypnotising power.
Mind is no problem, because it belongs to no-body.
Hope that makes sense.
Speak to you on skype again soon!
Hi Ben... and Mike too,
Yep, letting go of what we think we are as individuals is a death,
dying to all the ego-drives and mind's questions. This is difficult for the individual self/ego to accept. But as you know already, and Mike knows too, the beauty of the ocean is under the waves... and seeping into this beauty entails this death... this death of the ego, which operates in time and space and the separation that allows questions to be asked, and questions to be answered.
I am aware that all this is just words and may be taken wrongly, but hopefully there's some clarity here in all this magic jumble...
I feel the same sometimes when floating about in ultimate terms... why bother doing anything/writing- it's not necessary. Like you say, the Source has/IS everything already... and it can work things out very well on its own! I think that’s why I often write ‘there’s no where to go and no thing to do.’ We’re here already and the universe is working it out.
And yet it is necessary! For experience's sake. Because we’re here! Because when we align ourselves with the cosmic dance we are the cosmic dance and that creative potential is all there is. This is our chosen experience and this is the original desire of the primordial, eternal, timeless-spaceless burning ball of Being/Light/Love that burst out orgasmically into separate existence so it could know what it was/is in relative terms, in opposition to things- in space time and questions (ego-mind).
[Perhaps here we choose to live separate lives or align ourselves with the Source]
It is what it is but we bring meaning to that through the experience we choose to have- aligned in Love, or not aligned, cast out and separate.
Accessing the Here and Now fully (where we are), we slip out of the little mind and into timelessness/spacelessness- the cosmic dance/ocean and that which gives an awareness of this cosmic dance/ocean- that which is in essence the primordial ball of light (I like this for visualisation) we came from.
This is a timeless moment (since we slipped out of time/space/ego-mind to get here) and it is NOW.
Why all this? Because this is what we have chosen. In every moment.
Why all this? Because it is.
Like the tides and the breath and the cycles of everything else...
Coming back to the origin is like returning home. We needed to go out in order to experience and come back with knowledge(?) of ourselves, our Self.
Yes, why a car like that, a door like this, a human like that and a table like that. Because in order to experience we had to limit down the eternal and its pure potentiality of options. And this is what we have chosen... because this is what the SOurce has chosen and we are it!
This is how it is... and because it is like this... it could be no other way. And yet you ask why because you know the pure potentiality of options…
…and you know all this already.
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