I am the Proof
The idea of being ‘me’ is merely an idea, but the source from which it spring is not. Consciousness – the real me – is the proof of everything, it is the direct contact between the particular and the universal. Consciousness is the amazing proof of there being Life, something inimaginable, the miraculous.
Choice
This sense of being a separate being is delusive when not investigated. But denying what is genuinely felt – even falsly – is not leading anywhere. The point is not to convince oneself of non-duality, but rather to struggle for Reality which, when translated into action, becomes Wisdom.
This idea that there is a choice (free-will) is easily undermined by logic: i am the result of the Universe and its cause. But still it seems i am choosing somehow.
Now what becomes obvious is that i have no choice: i am choice itself. This is because i am the essence of present, without consciousness there is no ‘now’. Present is the very essence of this apparent choice where cause and effect hinge on this infinitely small point of non-time.
Doing the 'thing'
These days ‘i looked’ although when ‘i look’, it’s very uncertain what this ‘i’ which ‘looks’ is. Confusing? No.
I just sit or walk and observe, there are 6 senses: touch, sight, hearing, smell, taste and the mind. Yes, the mind. After all there are thoughts, an inner voice, concepts, ideas and images which i witness. Besides we know that what we sense is reconstituted in the mind as an interface, in other words, the reality ‘out there’ is not what the reality of the mind is. (And is the reality of one’s mind the same as that of the other? Is my green, your green?)
Now when observing those things – not seeking them, not following them up – just observing them as they pass by, there often are some thoughts. Again those thoughts are mere things: mental objects in the mental sense-field. All these objects are just a variation of this sense field: we know light by its colours only.
Now when this is going on for a time, there is an increasing awarenes of consciousness. Just like standing on a spinning horizontal wheel seemingly makes the world move, but as we look down nothing moves, we are standing quietly on a wheel. But is there an ‘i’ then? What happens when this consciousness is not here? Is it ever not there or is it simply not stimulated, is it at rest?
The idea of there being a ‘me looking’ does induces the idea of an ‘object being looked at’. But this idea is a mental-object. What is there when this mental object is discarded? What is the ground of transient changes in the consciousness-field? When the ‘me’ is discarded, when the ‘objects’ are discarded, there is consciousness only. Consciousness then may be similar to a rope, the very end of which are the ‘me’ and the ‘object’ respectively, they do not exist outside of the mind.
There are more questions in my mind, so unclear and perhaps it is not necessary to answer them, but let's take them down:
I just sit or walk and observe, there are 6 senses: touch, sight, hearing, smell, taste and the mind. Yes, the mind. After all there are thoughts, an inner voice, concepts, ideas and images which i witness. Besides we know that what we sense is reconstituted in the mind as an interface, in other words, the reality ‘out there’ is not what the reality of the mind is. (And is the reality of one’s mind the same as that of the other? Is my green, your green?)
Now when observing those things – not seeking them, not following them up – just observing them as they pass by, there often are some thoughts. Again those thoughts are mere things: mental objects in the mental sense-field. All these objects are just a variation of this sense field: we know light by its colours only.
Now when this is going on for a time, there is an increasing awarenes of consciousness. Just like standing on a spinning horizontal wheel seemingly makes the world move, but as we look down nothing moves, we are standing quietly on a wheel. But is there an ‘i’ then? What happens when this consciousness is not here? Is it ever not there or is it simply not stimulated, is it at rest?
The idea of there being a ‘me looking’ does induces the idea of an ‘object being looked at’. But this idea is a mental-object. What is there when this mental object is discarded? What is the ground of transient changes in the consciousness-field? When the ‘me’ is discarded, when the ‘objects’ are discarded, there is consciousness only. Consciousness then may be similar to a rope, the very end of which are the ‘me’ and the ‘object’ respectively, they do not exist outside of the mind.
There are more questions in my mind, so unclear and perhaps it is not necessary to answer them, but let's take them down:
- Are there other consciousnesses? The very idea of ‘another’ would suggest a mind-borne illusion. But it’s hard to believe there are no others. Are there others?
- Space and time are ideas, they are changes in the field of consciousness. Outside of consciousness – if there are such thing as other consciousnesses – we would be on the same space and time. That would make us one.
- So why and how is this singularity of consciousness possible?
- Is there a beyond consciousness? It would be formless, timeless, spaceless. Is there a cause? There cannot be any beyond time, beyond space, cant there?
- What’s happening during the ‘time-out’ of deep sleep? Nothing happening or simply no memory? Can i say there is nothing because a room is dark?
The Cause of Causes
Studying about sustainable agriculture and the current food issues – especially when realising the corruption and danger rising in the shape of food empires expanding their realm and power on the earth – wakes up a rebellious mood in me.
And although i want to do something positive about the matter – because food is a basic need – i also realise how foolish i am to rise and resist the wave. I do not want to be a fighter, nor do i want to be a saviour, i simply want to do what i think is right.
Moreover the highest aim is knowing genuinely Being. Here is the Universe unfolding before my eyes, and i fight against it. But when we look closer at it, we soon realise that the Universe is complex system with a myriad of causes and effects continuously influencing one another. Eventually, as we step back to look from a distance at the world, we see a congruent whole. All causes, together are the cause of the next consequences, or the consequence, simultaneously becoming cause. So really there is but one cause and one consequence: the Universe, and because it is not a tic-tac system there is no time to it really, but simply apparent continuity.
Now if the Universe is the cause and consequence of all things, now and now and now. Then the Universe as it is now is necessary for me to be what i am now (no matter what i believe myself to be at that moment). The last thing i would want would be to fight against my own cause, or would it? And without me the Universe as it is, would not be. The interrelation – how subtle it may be – cannot be denied, nor can the extent of differences in any imaginary alternative case be guessed, even less measured.
So there is no need fighting, it is all in one’s own interest to love and cherish the world even if it appears to play against us.
And although i want to do something positive about the matter – because food is a basic need – i also realise how foolish i am to rise and resist the wave. I do not want to be a fighter, nor do i want to be a saviour, i simply want to do what i think is right.
Moreover the highest aim is knowing genuinely Being. Here is the Universe unfolding before my eyes, and i fight against it. But when we look closer at it, we soon realise that the Universe is complex system with a myriad of causes and effects continuously influencing one another. Eventually, as we step back to look from a distance at the world, we see a congruent whole. All causes, together are the cause of the next consequences, or the consequence, simultaneously becoming cause. So really there is but one cause and one consequence: the Universe, and because it is not a tic-tac system there is no time to it really, but simply apparent continuity.
Now if the Universe is the cause and consequence of all things, now and now and now. Then the Universe as it is now is necessary for me to be what i am now (no matter what i believe myself to be at that moment). The last thing i would want would be to fight against my own cause, or would it? And without me the Universe as it is, would not be. The interrelation – how subtle it may be – cannot be denied, nor can the extent of differences in any imaginary alternative case be guessed, even less measured.
So there is no need fighting, it is all in one’s own interest to love and cherish the world even if it appears to play against us.
What do you think you are doing? All this effort you are putting in getting more is vain. Worse: it is the kissing of your own slavery! Oh you want glory? Why not put all your effort in the best action: Being? Bring the fire where it belongs, do some burning, do some shining! And light up the world with Life!
The Child's Trust
This evening as i was walking in the streets of Leiden, i saw a couple with their son, who sat on his father’s shoulders. As i looked at the boy – and him looking back at me – i could see his peaceful face looking at the world and his body relaxed, making just the necessary effort to sit and keep sat.
That sight woke up an old memory – that of being the child, of about 4 years old, trusting completely the world which seemed to be upheld by mother and father. In being this child there was so much trust, peace and simple love, the mind is free from false ideas about being this or that, for being speaks for itself, it is self-evident. Of course many ideas, images, and feelings arise but they come and go, they are just there for a moment, they are not important.
At some point it is taught that there is danger, an incoming separation which apparently happens one day when mother and father are left behind. But is it really so? Does it need to be so forever? Is the innocence and trust of the child an ‘abheration’? Is it ignorance? Doesn’t the child then demonstrates more faith in Life than the adult who (mentally) has broken it down in little bits in an attempt to get control over it? Is Life after all not the ultimate mother-father? Is this apparent separation process not merely an expression or means of transmitting patterns of survival? And when these are acquired, is it necessary then to keep fearing? Are the body and its habits not able to care for itself? Just as all of Nature is caring for itself?
When i sat then there was a feeling of being just ‘this’, knowing the other and perhaps myself as the Source, the Mother. Why bother making a World with these things and those things, with past and future? There arose questions, sometimes an idea that ‘i am’ but these did not wake any interest. Being interested in such things was less strong than the sensation of simply Being and trust installed at the moment.
That sight woke up an old memory – that of being the child, of about 4 years old, trusting completely the world which seemed to be upheld by mother and father. In being this child there was so much trust, peace and simple love, the mind is free from false ideas about being this or that, for being speaks for itself, it is self-evident. Of course many ideas, images, and feelings arise but they come and go, they are just there for a moment, they are not important.
At some point it is taught that there is danger, an incoming separation which apparently happens one day when mother and father are left behind. But is it really so? Does it need to be so forever? Is the innocence and trust of the child an ‘abheration’? Is it ignorance? Doesn’t the child then demonstrates more faith in Life than the adult who (mentally) has broken it down in little bits in an attempt to get control over it? Is Life after all not the ultimate mother-father? Is this apparent separation process not merely an expression or means of transmitting patterns of survival? And when these are acquired, is it necessary then to keep fearing? Are the body and its habits not able to care for itself? Just as all of Nature is caring for itself?
When i sat then there was a feeling of being just ‘this’, knowing the other and perhaps myself as the Source, the Mother. Why bother making a World with these things and those things, with past and future? There arose questions, sometimes an idea that ‘i am’ but these did not wake any interest. Being interested in such things was less strong than the sensation of simply Being and trust installed at the moment.
What is my yoga?
yoga or ‘yoking’ the exercise/means of re-uniting (if not in actuallity, in knowing the state of union, yukti) can work only when it is a yoga of ‘letting go’, not a yoga of ‘getting more’.
For instance, even as my wish to know Reality is genuine, it is a desirous state which divides the world between desire and object of desire, a state which denies liberation and denies Reality itself for that one is absolute and therefore know no duality.
On the other hand, while there is letting go, or a total denying of any desires and fears, remains the self only. This is proper yoga in the sense that it reunites all things with the self, for without desires and fears the self is then know as complete. This self is undivided, the outter and inner are one, the manifested and unmanifested are one.
Only ignorance can make the real seem limited, for the real is absolute tangible and yet undescribable – it is an essence proven by the very ‘i am’, consciousness. When desire and fear arise, they do so only as the mind identifies them as such – when attention for these is denied (on the ground of their being an illusion), getting out of the groove as it were, what is found peace. Peace is that in which all things arise, just as noise arises i silence.
Pay attention to your yoga: what yoga are you really doing? Strife to absolute freedom, be nothing, just be.
For instance, even as my wish to know Reality is genuine, it is a desirous state which divides the world between desire and object of desire, a state which denies liberation and denies Reality itself for that one is absolute and therefore know no duality.
On the other hand, while there is letting go, or a total denying of any desires and fears, remains the self only. This is proper yoga in the sense that it reunites all things with the self, for without desires and fears the self is then know as complete. This self is undivided, the outter and inner are one, the manifested and unmanifested are one.
Only ignorance can make the real seem limited, for the real is absolute tangible and yet undescribable – it is an essence proven by the very ‘i am’, consciousness. When desire and fear arise, they do so only as the mind identifies them as such – when attention for these is denied (on the ground of their being an illusion), getting out of the groove as it were, what is found peace. Peace is that in which all things arise, just as noise arises i silence.
Pay attention to your yoga: what yoga are you really doing? Strife to absolute freedom, be nothing, just be.
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