As you are

For about 3 to 4 years now i have spent my life repeating incessantly (with some exceptions) that "before, when i was free and open-minded, it was better". Perhaps it is so, perhaps not. Perhaps i am simply reconstructing a distorted past from traces of memories. And most probably by clinging onto this past i condemn myself not to live the present "freely" and "open-mindedly" as i wish it to happen. In fact the "past story" reveals the very obstacle i had discovered was "myself" in the sense that preoccupation for "what i am" looped my mind into anxious habits. Having faith in the simple "i am"-sense as the proof of the Impossible, is enough to find simple joy of existence. The rest is accessory.

Wanting to recreate the past is not only absurd but also self-destructive. Wanting to recreate the past emerges from a deep fear of confrontation with Life which we know (although we might ignore it) to also be Death. Attempting to recreate the past not only will fail to stop Death but it may prevent from Living. 

You need (I need) not to recreate any condition to experience joy of living. Freedom (which you naturally know to be joy) is the fruit of emancipation. Radical emancipation is emancipation from your own needs. There is no need for anything to live and know joy of living. It is already the case, although clouded by needless worries. You are the proof of your own freedom, as you are.